“How could I do and say such a thing? I know better than to act like that. Oh, I can’t believe I’m still dealing with those thoughts and actions. Maybe I should give up, accept who I really am, and just go on with life. I wish I could be like Carol who always has it together. But, having come from a background like mine…I can only hope to be half as good as her one day.”
Could it be that you are your own worst enemy? Self-condemnation will become self-destructive, which can lead to self-centeredness resulting in self-righteousness. Ever thought of you in those terms? Pretty harsh, huh? Being ‘full of yourself’ can be thoughts of how exceptional you are to how awful you’ve become. A popular diagnosis for these two spectrums is low and high self-esteem, but rarely do we dwell on the truth…who and whose we are in Christ?
For seventeen years I dealt with a particular sin that kept me from growing in my relationship with Christ. I allowed this ‘unforgivable’ sin to consume me by making a decision to never forgive myself. The benefit—only to fall deeper into despair. However, once I realized I wasn’t even given the power to forgive myself I began to accept the One and Only who could. I had to take action by becoming transparent before the Lord and admitting I could not save myself. Only He could. I had to give up my will to be my own Savior.
Oh, many times before I ran to Jesus crying for Him to please erase that sin only to walk away and take the burden right back. It continued to have power over me. In essence, what I was saying is, “Jesus, your death on the cross was not enough for me. My sin deserves much more.” Much more? How prideful could I get?
The truth of God’s Word says, “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 5:21
Take a moment to realize how valuable you are to God. He loves you no matter what. Allow Him to heal you through and through. Let the sin go…He has.